Being The Butterfly

Obstacles vs harmony

2010-06-29T01:55:00.000-07:00

Mind. Body. Heart. Soul. These four things would appear to encapsulate our very essence. They would likely have us working in perfect harmony before we 'know' better. But now we do know better. We have science and we have religion, we have facts and we have beliefs.

We can believe in facts and belief is a fact.

In 'The Inner Game Of Tennis' Timothy Gallwey states that "Performance = Potential - Obstacles"

Find the obstacles. Find harmony.

Simple.

The Messy Mind

2010-05-04T15:13:00.001-07:00

I must confess

that my mind is a mess,

my thoughts run a mock

like a trans-dimensional clock

Never right here

Never right now

but its only this moment

that offers a how

I can look to be happy

in so many a thing

but the past and the future

this will not bring

through the courtyard of programmes

my mind silently creeps

hiding from me

I really must sleep

Nothing

2010-04-19T04:22:00.000-07:00

My focus today is my breath.

In with Life

Out with Love

But it's the bit inbetween that interests me mostly at the moment. That space, that silence, that pause before and after each breath.

It's said that three is an important number the ying, the yang and the union of the whole. The space is that union. It's the glue that binds the breath. It has no mass, no weight, no colour, no sound, in fact no quantifiable factors at all except nothingness. It is in that space that everything can be felt. It is in that space that nothing can be felt. The energy of the universe is contained any moment. that space is where we can find it.

It's a bit like a magic eye picture. If you don't focus enough or try too hard then you cannot see it. But if you relax and find that middle ground, thats where it comes to life. Perfection in Balance. Everything in nothing. The most powerful force of the universe, the life force in everything expressed as nothingness.

And if everything is only nothing then why say anything?

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Irritability and the parachute

2010-03-22T12:05:00.000-07:00

Motivation is a funny thing. Sometimes it comes in such great abundance and other times not really at all. I am finding this post hard to write at this moment for instance. I lack motivation. There is only the one thing that has got me writing this; exploring my internal conditions in this way often helps to bring them to the forefront and to see them for what they are. What ever that is, but at least it is not unknown then. When we can clearly see something it is never really a problem any more. Its the cloud of emotions and thoughts that stop us realising our true potential. It is also the clouds of thoughts and emotions that lead us to our true potential. I love the paradox.

Conditions affect motivation so greatly for many of us; work, friends, amount of sleep, when and what food/drink was last consumed, what was done over the weekend (that is possibly still being payed for), what is on the TV etc.

Then there is the sidestep conditions; My room must be tidy before I can possibly do any work in it!; Just get the shopping in so that I can forget about it for the week; Just cook dinner, well I've bought all that nice food so I will cook something really special that takes a while...

Actually its quite amazing what I suddenly find interesting in a bid to avoid something.
It's normally done in the name of getting things done, we do everything else except the one thing we needed to do, then when everything else is done we've often conveniently forgotten what it was that we had to do.

Haha, I literally just spent the last 45 minutes looking at something else and forgot about this blog post even. This is certainly a funny place to be. A twisty, twiney, sharp and irritable place. It is made all the more fascinating by the fact that I can see it there. I can notice my reaction to things and if you think about the word reaction it is to repeat an action, so do something from before and not something new. An action is new and reaction is old and based on a program of the mind. So why, if I can see this program of the mind, this reaction, do I still respond to it?

Well lets look at what is a program of the mind.

Its like a computer program, it is literally programmed into our subconscious over a period of time. Sometimes it can take a manner of seconds to program some things (such as a phobia) and sometimes we have to really work at it (did anyone actually enjoy their first cigarette as a teenager?).
However these programs come into being, they are very real for us and have conditions to run, like all programs. These conditions, if not met, cause a sub program to run. For me, a condition might be something such as "I must eat at least every four hours" if this program is not met then the resulting sub program means that I will get irritable and control the situation seriously hard in order to get myself food. (often referred to as "throwing my toys out of my cot")
This is just one example but in essence it involves me expecting situations or people to be a certain way and when they are not I try to mold reality around me to get 'What I Want' and allow the orginal program to run. This program runs to make me feel within my comfort zone. Better the devil we know. Programs work on logic and repetition, not on sense and sanity. And after all, without these programs to make up my identity, who would I be?

Of course I am Arron, The smaller 'me' is (by smaller I don't mean worse, I simply mean the me that was born, lives and dies). It is my identity. I respond and react in ways that make up my personality and social situations occur around me based upon this personality and where it is in its programmic cycles. Of course we call this my conditioning. I can be very controlling and attempt to mold the world around me all the time. When I inevitably cannot I get upset.

A wonderful analogie that someone close to me came up with was that it is a bit like each of our lives being a parachute. The wind of Life comes and blows in an attempt to make us fly. But NO, we want to pin our parachutes down and retain some illusion of control. Trouble is that our attempts are so futile that they are simply like trying to use a thumb tack to pin the parachute down. Then we get annoyed when the thumb tack inevitably doesn't work.
The more I learn to let go of trying to control the more I find that Life has taken hold of my parachute and is whisking me off to magical lands to see things I never knew existed. I never know what is going to happen, but it can be as exciting or as annoying as I choose. I simply have to remind myself of this on a constant basis and remember and remember that the only control I ever have is to let go of control. Everything else I am just kidding myself with.
I suppose that from this uncontrolled and fresh place is where unconditional Life comes from.

So perhaps this is what awakening is referred to as. Becoming aware of such programs and reactions and having the choice to change them. Having the choice not only to reprogram but to disregard the programs altogether should we choose. This is not a breakdown of our identity but a transcendence. A breakdown would infer a lack of choice. Now don't get me wrong I have not run away to join a cult. I am not renouncing my personality. I can still be a right cunt sometimes. Actually I probably have an ego larger than most of you (haha does that even take a large ego to say that?!?).
I've been asleep for most of my life and recently I have begun to awaken to myself. It's pretty incredible. More and more I can notice it when I am... uncouth; both to myself and to others. And I have the choice. More often that not I choose to try to get to the root of why I feel like this. Not by analysing the past but by being present, right now. Meditation is a wonderful source for this. I am learning to observe my thoughts and feelings more and more and realise that they are not me. They actually have no power over me other than the power I give them. I think I am off to meditate now. Have a good one. Peace and love to you. (:

Finishing in Style... Uruguay and Argentina

2010-03-19T02:07:00.000-07:00

Following Iguazu I took an 18 bus journey back to Buenos Aires. I once again took the 'Super Camo' bus, the one with the fully reclining bed and first class service. They forgot my vegetarian food (which is quite normal in South America in general I am finding) and shock horror, my TV screen didn't work.
Now, before I booked this journey i didn't even know that each seat had its own TV screen. But once I knew it was a must have. You know the kind of thing, something you didn't know existed but cannot live without know you do know. So this TV not working really irked me.
I was irked. This thing I had never knew existed now didn't exist. This was not good enough. I wanted to complain. They could do nothing. They were hospitality staff, not technicians. I was still irked. Then it struck me, the ridiculous nature of the situation. I sat in quiet contemplation for some time considering this. Actually I wanted to sleep, I wanted to read, I wanted to write. This was a blessing.
I can have such a tenancy to react before considering the situation. I was certainly thankful for this chance to once again see my tenacious ego in action. "I want to control the situation and have it way I want it!!!".

When something annoys us, it is not that something that annoys us, it is our conditioning and programs that run from our unconscious. It is our wantant to control, to have things the way we expected them to happen. In short it is us that annoy ourselves.

American comedian Ron White summed it up quite well: "I believe when life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade...and try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."

Life is certainly what you make of it. How you respond to it.

So I got back to Buenos Aires and went immediately to the Ferry to cross the channel to Uruguay. Prior to traveling, all I knew about Uruguay was from the Simpson's where they were going to South America, Homer looks at a globe and sees Uruguay and exclaims "U R Gay... hehehehe".
This joke didn't really wash with my Uruguayan friend Andreas in Peru. He didn't seem to mind though as he had heard it many times before. I had come to Uruguay on his advice, nothing to do with the Simpons's though but he was one of the most interesting people I had met on my travels. He had got me in contact with his girlfriend Alé as he was still traveling.

Alé met me outside the dance studio where Tango and Salsa lessons awaited. My natural prowess on the dance floor was going to make this easy. Of course the fact that this natural raw talent in my mind doesn't seem to convey itself to my limbs is but a small mute point. I am a musician, I have rhythm, I can tell when the start of the bar is, what the time signature is and can tap a mean beat with my fingers on an invisible piano.
When it comes to applying this to even just my feet, never mind my legs, hips, waist and all those other wobbly bits and bobs dancing incorporates, well lets just say that my rhythm is non-transferable at this time. But Salsa is Fun, the capital F is important here. It is probably easier when one is not wearing flip flops, but when one is traveling one cannot be picky about ones footwear.
The Tango lesson, my fourth, taught me the main steps I had already learned. Trouble is that the 4 of us beginners were left on the side lines a little. Our teacher, who looked remarkably like a thin Gordan Brown without the gammy eye, never smiled and was only interested in the intermediates. So we sat and chatted. I am very lucky that most people here speak English.

Montevideo is a beautiful city, it seemed very 'first world' actually. Like Buenos Aires the buildings spoke of the money of days gone by. They whispered about the days when people cared for them and maintained them, before all these new bland faceless buildings were placed around them.
"The good old days", they often said to me as we relaxed around a park "was where it was at".
The vibe is relaxed and friendly. The people lovely if not a little quirky. This difference of which I speak is their love of the Tea 'Maté' (pronounced Ma-tay). This in itself is no more strange than our apparent love of drinking tea at 5 O'Clock, the belief of many a South American.
It is the manner in which they go about this ritual. The Maté cup is a wooden vessel usually with small feet as the bottom of the cup is rounded. It is filled to the brim with the Maté tea leaves and a silver metal straw protrudes from within as one couldn't use ones lips on the cup, oh no, that would not do. At the base of this straw is a filter to hold out the leaves.
The water is added from a flask that they diligently carry under their arm. Okay so even this might seem not too unusual in itself. However the flask is usually between 1-2 liter, so carrying the cup and the flask is not subtle. Especially when the person is trying to smoke, drink Maté, hold a flask under one arm, talk on the phone and walk. Always fun to watch. So yeah as you walk around you see smart, hot young business women all dolled up with their cup and flask, you see policemen with it, youths hanging out with it, the homeless with it and all manner of other quarters of society with this large appendage apparently attached to them.

So hanging around Montevideo was great fun, I hired a bike to see the city. I had great intentions. This was healthy, this was good for the environment. After 30 minutes I had had enough. My days of bike riding have waned somewhat, my stamina and strength are not what they were. On top of this the mosquito epidemic they were having for the exact 3 days I was there meant that every time I stopped near grass or water a cloud of these critters would descend like a miniature army of helicopters intent on refueling. I am not squeamish, really I am not. But 20-30 mozzies land on me is enough to make me question my vegetarian 'no killing of anything' policy. They didn't care about the spray, they laughed at it, said it was like chilli pepper and just added flavour. These were the hells angles of mosquito's. They were on a road to hell and needed blood to get there. I feel a MWAHAHAHA wouldn't be out of place here...

Or perhaps they were simply being mosquito's and doing what mosquito's do. Who knows? My host Alé insisted that this was not normal for Uruguay and that I had just come in the one period of the whole year this happens. Lucky me.

The Argentinians and the Uruguayans pride themselves in having the best beef in the world. They don't really understand the word vegetarian, even when i see people order steak in the restaurants it comes with a small lettuce leaf to add colour and nothing mroe I think. I once asked for something vegetarian in a cafe in my pigeon Spanish. The lady asked if I would like a ham and cheese sandwich. Apparently a pig is a vegetable in this area of the world. Eating cheese sandwiches and chips tends to get a little samey after a while.
An oasis of food came in the form of Nameste, a vegetarian restaurant I found on www.happycow.org This wonderful calming place was so good I had lunch here and came back for dinner.

Nameste is an anient Sanskit word from nepal and India. It is a term commonly used for greetings and literally means "I bow to you", I feel a certain humbleness with this simple word, it implys acknowledging the others humanity and their radient inner self. I think I shall continue to use this.

So back in Buenos Aires I literally had 4 days left of travelling. These final few days were spent relaxing and seeing a couple of friends. First was my friend Vivi whom I had met in Cuzco and later in Lima. A very special soul, I feel we have bonded wonderfully and I hope to know her for many years to come. She is a musician and introduced me to her friend's father who teaches Tango piano. I had an hour long lesson of learning the rudimentary rhythms of the tango standards. It was awesome. Tango is so sexy to play; such swing and passion as my fingers slide and glide and run up the crispy chromatic riffs.

I also met with my friend Julia (of course in Spanish she is Who-Lia), we have emailed each other for 10 years and had never met. Not quite sure how we even met online now. We had a wonderful evening though.
Not getting into the club we had intended upon as my walking boots didn't meet the shoe requirements was a blessing in disguise as my last night traveling was spent discussing matters of the heart and of the universe.
Julia, her boyfriend Nick and I talked for the best part of 5 hours and drank Stella late into the night. I don't really drink much at the moment, but this being my last night I felt the need to celebrate my travels. To celebrate everything I had seen, the kindness I had been shown, the experiences I had experienced, the people I had met and through all of this the path I had found myself on awakening me to me ego. To see emotions and thoughts as something that I have but are not me. To realise that everything in the universe is connected and that everything that we do is important. I realised how important it is to take responsibility for ourselves, to bring our attention to this present moment, to let go of trying to control as the only true control we ever have is this letting go, everything else is illusionary, not wrong, just not real. There is no right or wrong, that is perception, perception is created through conditioning. In the bigger picture of the universe one thing happens and leads to another, all we can do is either enjoy the ride and enjoy the changes or fight against it. I choose the former. In the words of Ewan McGregor in Trainspotting, "Choose Life". But what exactly is life? Well, I shall be looking at this one in later posts.

So those of you that have joined me on this journey through this blog, I thank you. I have had many enlightening and encouraging words from some of you that have inspired and conveyed love to me. I truly feel humbled and privileged by the opportunities I have been given and the people I have met. Thankyou to the universe for this and thankyou to everyone even remotely involved in my journey. I love you all. (:

Buenos Aires, Wow!

2010-03-03T08:10:00.000-08:00

From Brazil

So arriving in Buenos Aires was something of a blank for me. I actually had no expectations and had done little to no research on the place. Ben had found us a hostel in a great part of town that we would spend 3 days together in. For him this was his last days of his travels.
We had a fantastic few days together seeing various things around the city. Ben is really good at organizing things that he would like to see. I really enjoy that actually, quite often I would just potter and see what comes my way, but sometimes it is great to be with someone with a plan.

Ben is vegetarian also and for the two of us trying to find vege food in this meat capital of the world was hard. Seriously, these people seem to lack vegetables from their diet. Its a marvel that the cholesterol hasn´t killed them. They order a steak and it comes with a lettuce leaf. Every restaurant seems to sell the same thing. The lack of diversity is incredible for such a bohemian city. Everywhere is pizza, pasta, steak or fish. Half of that is off the menu straight away for us, the other half gets a little samey after a while. I rejoiced when I found an Arabian takeaway, felafel's and hummus! It was pretty cardboardy actually, but it was something different at least.

On the second night Ben had planned for us to go to the football. He had tried to see matches 3 times before in South America and was thwarted every time. He was determined this time to go. I can take football or leave it, but I thought the atmosphere would be good. He went to buy the tickets and came back 2 hours later looking a little forlorn. He was R$10 short of two tickets as the cheaper ones had sold out. So he had bought one for himself. Of course I know that he wouldn´t have done that if he thought for one minute that I would mind. Of course I didn´t, I was just happy that he would finally be getting to go to a game in this continent. It also left a wonderful mystical question mark as to how I would spend Friday night in this marvellous city on my own. I was quite excited to see what the universe would bring my way.
I ended up spending a delectable 3 hours walking around the stalls of street markets, watching street tango, various buskers and performers, browsing shops and stopping for tea. It was a great time and I felt truly lucky to be here, in this time, as I am.

From Brazil

Street tango

The lounge Tango ´Ibiza chill-out´ music is so great, I´ve bought 4 CDs to listen when i get home, such hypnotic beats combined with traditional tango riffs and samples. Many areas of the city has this unique blend pumping out of bars and cafes. The graffiti, whilst not that of Sao Paulo lends itself to the cultural feels. Too much tagging and not enough art work layers a trashy shawl over the beautiful architecture of days gone by. This was once the richest city in the world. Of course the riches were owned by a few individuals, but still when you think that it was richer than anywhere else and being only a few hundred years since establishment, it seems quite cool to me.

We also went to a touristic tango show that for me had little to note except one performance... The show was chronicling the growth of tango from its roots. Spanish and Italian immigrants bought their individual flares and flavours of music, culture, art and of course dance. Two guys came on stage dressed in traditional Flamenco outfits followed by a woman holding beat on a drum. The two guys pulled out their Poi (a prop of a cord in each hand usually tailed with ribbons, balls or even fire, they are spun around and are very graceful when used properly) then started to twirl them about whilst stamping. They started to hit the floor with their poy that had hard balls on the end. The rhythm created was fast, incredibly tight and amazing to watch. I´ve never seen anything like it.

Ben and I said our goodbyes and i was so thankful that he had come to join me here. We really caught up in ways we haven't for years and I feel we have both grown from the experiences we had together. After Ben left I checked out the cemetery where Evita was buried. The local rich and famous burial ground full of sarcophagi, tombs and generally flashy graves showing that some people try hard to take their money with them. Oh and I bought some thunder that day too. I enjoyed playing with that at the cemetery. (Thunder is a musical instrument created in Brazil, it is a giant seed pod, hollowed and a hole put in the top, a drum skin is placed upon the open end and a spring attached. As you shake it, the spring´s vibrations resonate within the seedpod and the resulting sound is akin to thunder. When the spring hits things as it flys about it sounds like a Jedi light-sabre.) I thought it the coolest thing I have ever seen. I bought one immediately.

From Brazil

Evita´s Burial place

Next came Iguazu. Now my favorite place on Earth. Mother Nature has excelled here. After my 18 hour bus journey I went straight to the park and saw quite the most spectacular display of water I´ve ever seen. The billions of tonnes of cascading water falls over many kilometers of falls. It is not only awe inspiring but is also leaves one speechless. Walking around was something of a meditation for me. The second day I went on a walk to a pool under a waterfall, wow that was cool. Standing under a 60ft waterfall, feeling the cold pounding vertical river massage my body is something else. I got so into it, every time I came out to dry off before leaving I had to go back in. It is very grounding being in such a natural shower. I enjoyed meditating in it and doing some yoga (that was very limited due to the slipperiness of the rocks.) The walk to and from the falls took me past spiders the size of my hands. One was devouring a ginormous butterfly. Quite enthralling if not a little grizzly.

From Argentina

From Brazil

So many butterflies!!!! magical

From Brazil

From Argentina

From Brazil

So today I went to Brazil for the morning to their side of the Cataratas (Spanish for waterfall). Argentina have the intimate, get real close side, Brazil have the ´stand back and see the ´painting´ properly as Mother Nature intended´ side. There is no way I can describe the beauty of the view here. The spray of the falls enveloping you as you watch rainbows being born. The water nymphs playing gracefully with the sodden grass making it lush almost beyond this world. The force and magnitude of the water falling and smashing against the rocks below serves to remind and humble as to the sheer power of nature. This is truly a Heaven on Earth. Well, apart from all the bloody tourists... ;)

From Argentina

Soon I return to Buenos Aires to go straight to Montevideo, the capital of Uruguay. This 26 hours journey will give me plenty of time to rest. It amazing how you learn to sleep just about anywhere when travelling on a time budget.

From Brazil

Brazilia in a nutshell (you know which type!)

2010-03-02T13:35:00.001-08:00

So yeah. Brazil, what a trip. After leaving Rio I was in a bit of a daze. Ben and I had had our one big night out. It certainly took its toll. I found myself a bus and soon after found myself in Paraty. Fate bought me to a hostel that woe betide me was a party hostel. I knew these existed but I have avoided them thus far. I like to sleep when I get into bed. I go out to party. But here I was. Loud music, people intending on drinking alcohol and having a good time... oh dear... Well I had various things to do, so by the time I had finished them I thought I might push the boat out and have a fruit juice in the bar, fresh of course. A guy was sitting alone so I decided to join him. That's one of the wonderful things about travelling, simply enjoying the company of another with no expectations and no attachment's. You meet people, perhaps spend time with them and then move on. Those that you gel with especially well you might see again, but no worries either way really.

From Brazil

A dog waiting for a taxi...

This guy Phillipe looked just like Ross from friends when he is in the 1980´s retrospective scenes. The moustache was brilliant. When I told him of his similarity with Ross, he knew. Everyone told him this. Damn, I thought I was insightful. We ended up chatting for hours about life and whatnot. One thing I particularly remember him talking about was buildings. For he has just finished his Architecture degree you see. He believed that buildings have a personality and a soul. A space can be different depending on how it is built and how it is treated. Different beyond the obvious physical dimensions of course. I found this fascinating actually. Is Feng Shui the art of communicating with a rooms soul? I shall have to look further into this.

I went to bed at 1am whilst a group of early 20 somethings were off out to drink and then probably have sex. Probably. They invited me to go. I politely declined. Am I getting old? My ego would like me to think so. It would have enjoyed a night of unconscious fun but I needed rest and genuinely wanted interested.

That night I awoke in my dorm to a guy leaning over my bed. It really scared the crap out of me as I shouted WHOA. Who on earth shouts whoa? Me, apparently. He was leaning over as the air conditioning controls were next to my bed and had it had gone off. This was his story anyway. I am choosing to believe him. Unfortunately I had nightmares all night of people attacking me. Slept like an insomniac. I moved hostels the next day

The following day ´Ross´ and I went on a boat ride to various islands. It was so calm and relaxing. 35 degrees and sun, sand and sea. Okay less sun as it was cloudy, but sand and sea... well okay, mostly sea actually. I loved diving from the top of the 4m boat into the water. Got quite addicted to it actually. One guy did a monumental belly flop that everyone watching really felt and a chorus of ohhhhs gave a great applause.

Travelling on to Santos, a town South of Sao Paulo, was the plan next. It got waylay-ed when I realised the distances involved. So I ended up in Marisias. A town that all the rich and famous Brazilians come to for the surf and luxurious living. I stayed in an 8 bed dorm room which although was a cute room contained very very drunk Brazilians and Argentines determined to have a good time, loudly coming back throughout the night. Oh and what is reported to be the best night club in Latin America down the road kept a rhythm going to keep me occupied instead of sleeping until 6am. The plastic mattress was sweaty too and the mosquito's bit me to hell. That was certainly a long night.
I wanted to buy a pair of shorts. The cheapest I could find was the equivalent of around 60 pounds. Next time I shall miss out this town unless, a) I am very very rich, b) I like to not sleep or c) I get very rich...

As I got the bus out of there I met a lovely woman, Luciana. We got chatting and she took my facebook to meet in Sao Paulo in a few days. We did meet, I´ll include that soon.

So, in Santos I was back to Couch Surfing, Rio Carnival spending had given me a financial crisis, so I needed cheap times. Couchsurfing is awesome for saving money and emersing yourself in the culture and people of a place. I met with Christina, a lovely woman who's English was just enough to get by together. Over a huge bowl of Acai (Pronounced Aa-sigh-eee) and granola we chatted. She mentioned about the local hill we could go and see the locals paragliding. Bells rang in my mind. Mmmm, cancelled hang-gliding in Rio... I wonder... I asked how much. Of course she had a friend who ran it. He could give us a good price if the weather was good. The universe is good to me. I very am very thankful toward it.

The weather was perfect the following day. It all just kind of happened. First I asked Christina's son if I could buy some shorts locally. Of course his grandma, who lived downstairs, ran a clothes shop. She just happened to have around 30 pairs of shorts in her house all for around 5 pounds each. Within 3 minutes of asking I was trying them on. The universe bringing me what I need again. Thank you (: We went up the hill, got strapped in to a parachute and harness and off we went. Awesome. It was so calm and peaceful, flying by the seaside, strapped to my expert and a parachute, catching the pockets of air, swooping between the Condors. I put my arms out like a bird, I smiled a lot, even giggled a few times. I felt wonderful, it was such a calm buzz though.

From Brazil

After Santos I had arranged to go to Sao Paulo and meet Luciana before heading to my next couch surfing. Luciana was a lovely woman of my age who is coming to Ireland in December and wished to practice her English, and make a new friend along the way of course. She came to meet me at the bus station and we spent a lovely afternoon together in various parts of Sao Paulo. I really love those random chance meetings in life that add sugar to it. She was so kind and giving and we really had a good afternoon together. She even insisted on coming an hour out of her way so that I got to where I was couch surfing safely. Now how is that for generous? I was genuinely touched by her attitude and actions.

So I got to Uma´s house. Her name is actually Karin, Uma is her spiritual name given to her from her Guru. It suits her. We actually did preciously little in the time we spent together in terms of seeing the city. We did a lot of meditation and yoga though and just enjoyed being in each others company. This time really grounded me and was exactly what I needed. I had a lot of insights into love and ego whilst I was there and decided that I will write a book about it all. About my journey, about the ´What is love?´ project I have been doing, about my realisations and insights into love and the ego. I have realised so much as I have been searching. I feel it is a story I´d like to tell. So watch this space for the book.

Well, that's Brazil for this time round (except tomorrow when I cross the border for 2 hours to see the waterfalls I will tell you about another time). I found the people to be wonderful, my Portuguese is crap, even worse than my 30 Spanish words or so. But the people here were always willing to help this Gringo. So many times I found instances where people went out of their way, sometimes massively so, to help me. I am so thankful for the experiences I have had here and some of the people I have met along the way I truly hope to meet again. Some I know I will. Thank you Brazil for taking care of me. I love you.

Brazil, beaches and Carnival

2010-02-18T05:34:00.000-08:00

Rio. Wow. Incredible city. The last week has been... hot. On average the temperature has been around 30-35 degrees. Today it is raining an its dropped to a low low 24 degrees.

So I met with my close friend Ben in Sao Paulo, he´s flown over from London for a short 3 week excursion in Brazil, Argentina and Uruguay. He timed it to join me for the Rio Carnival. It was really great to see someone I know and love so well after weeks alone. They alone thing is a funny one, sometimes it can get lonely, but actually I have really enjoyed learning to be with my own company. All the same, it was great to see Ben and to be spending time with him.

We went to buy our bus tickets to travel North out of the Sao Paulo, only to be told that they had sold out. We could get one for that evening though. This gave us an unexpected 6 hours in the city. We decided to do some sight seeing. Sao Paulo is one of the largest cities in the world. It is certainly the largest in Brazil. Home to some 29 million people it is a sprawling metropolis of which I had never seen the like. We went to a bank that is particularly high and allows people to go to the top to view the city. The scene was incredible. I cannot decide weather I liked it or not. High rise buildings adorned every side of the magnificent 360 degree view. In the distance, probably 15-20 miles yonder, mountains rose majestically, reminding me of the presence of nature, even in this man made polluted, congested cultural hub of Brazil. I forgot to take my camera up. That was a shame. I shall have to go up again when I return to Sao Paulo in a week.
We were walking through the streets after when what did we spy? A guy with a white board and a headset microphone... He was showing the finer points of how to quickly and efficiently do various mathematical sums. Quick square roots, even quicker squaring... the man was insatiable. Even in Portuguese it was hypnotising. That was when his son stepped in. A boy of around 12 simply loved to show the growing audience how to easily square root large 4 or 5 digit numbers. Have you ever seen Free maths on the streets? The crowd of 20-30 people we obviously enthralled and dumb founded. I was too, I´m not quite sure why. But FREE MATHS! what a gimmick!!!!

From Brazil

Free maths!!!

We left Sao Paulo dreaming of free maths. The bus took us 6 hours to get to Paraty (pronounced Para-chi), a beautiful seaside little town with cobble-stoned streets and really friendly locals. Its great that their seaside resorts arn´t adorned with cheap and tacky bingo halls, ´amusement´ arcades and general crap of the sort. Maybe its because they have the weather, the rich blue sea and the tasty tasty mojitos, they don´t need to be amused.

From Brazil

Ilha Grande

From Brazil

The following day we arrived by boat to Ilha Grande (the Grand Island). This Island was originally used as an insane asylum, a leper colony and before that as a pirates hording place. It is a tropical paradise as until not so long ago, people would keep well away, including developers and road planners. There are three vehicles on the whole island. One firetruck, one police car and one ambulance. We saw all three. Check. So of course you have to walk everywhere on this island. For me, in the uppers 30 degree heat and tropical humidity to match, I found quite hard. Ben had to keep waiting for me. On one of the walks back from quite possibly the most beautiful beach I have ever seen, monkeys joined us and soon drew a crowd as they went to work looking cute and demanding food with those lovely wubbly eyes. I had some banana cake, the monkeys were very pleased to be served such a delicacy. I held out piece after piece until the whole family were saturated with cake. The delicacy and care by which they took the cake from my fingers really surprised me. They were true masters of being in the moment, never once did they snatch, I´m quite sure that if they spoke English they would have said thank you.

From Brazil

When your tired, pick up a packet of Crack!

From Brazil

Rio, sugarloaf Mountain

From Brazil

The boat took us back to the mainland and we got our transfer to Rio. Rio, Rio, Rio. Ahhh the stories are true. Set in one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen a city, they have it all, geographically speaking. Monolytic rocks and mountains, the sea, rainforest, lagoons, hot, hot weather (our hotel doorman told me that sometimes in the winter it can get as low as 15 degrees... imagine that, you´d probably have to put on a jumper) and of course people. Ben and I noticed that there is not that much lechery going on here. In the streets you regularly see women in skimpy bikinis and men in tiny, wow how did they even fit into that, shorts... perhaps even hot pants. But for all the skin on show, people are very chilled about it. Sure every second guy has pecks the size of my head and biceps bigger than a baby, and every other woman looks like a beauty queen. They pose in their own way but people are so chilled when it comes to seeing others... perhaps they are too focused on posing themselves to notice the others. Of course with my incredibly muscular build and physical prowess I fitted right in. Never mind one of those guys could probably lift me with a little finger. I could probably only join the club if I shaved my chest though. Why would anyone do that???

So what did we do in Rio? Cable cars to Sugarloaf mountain, Going to the sambadrome to watch the samba schools battle it out, Seeing the Christ Redeemer - the symbol of the city, sat in the madness of Ipanema and Copacabana beaches, danced to street processions and blocas (street discos), ate buffet after buffet (they do love their buffet restaurants here) and drank fair amounts of cerversa and mojitos.

Off to meet Jesus on the train.

From Brazil

I feel a YMCA coming on, anyone?

From Brazil

As Ben pointed out... the escalator to heaven. Not quite the same ring as stairs...

We were told about the crime here, everyone has tales of robberies and pickpockets, extortion and muggings it seems. Being told not to wear your watch out as ´they´ will probably cut your hand to get at it wasn´t something that filled me with the greatest of joy. I tried hard to not become paranoid but on the first night we literally only took out small amounts of money. We felt perfectly safe. So I took out my camera from then on. Its all about reading the scene and remaining present. On one of our last nights here, we went for a big night out. A couple of times Ben and I felt hand go into our pockets and Ben even got blocked by some young teens as another tried to steel the fluff that was in his back pocket. This night we had only taken out cash. Nothing else. They tried to steal my shirt. It funny but I´m glad we went through that. it offered another side of Rio that of course we had heard about. There was no damage done and I found myself feeling compassion for these kids. Most of them live in Favelas, the shanty towns of Rio. There are 950 of these around the city housing between 500 to 80,000 each. The police don´t go here. Organised crime is rife but only accounts for 10 percent of the local populous, the rest are hard working men, women and children, many hoping for a better life. We went on a Favela tour and it was a real eye opener. People packed into these slums like sardines. The electricity is generally stolen (the spaghetti like telegraph poles are a sight to behold), the planning permission and housing regulations don´t extend here, there are areas where you DO NOT take photos. But what stuck me was how normal these people looked. of course why shouldn´t they? But I guess I had imagined them to be wearing threadbare clothing and many begging on the street. But everyone was so chilled, no one really bothered us except to say Olá, even the market sellers took little notice of us.
The hardend drug barrons I had felt sure I would spot mingled so well I didn´t notice them. But then what did I expect? in films they are always easy to spot. The camera follows them, the music become more sinister, edited shots help give the back story. Here these people we just simply going about life.
Our tour guide told us of the beaches around Rio. The place where the classes can really mix and forget about money. The middle and upper classes don´t want to appear to have money as crime is rife and the lower classes don´t want to appear to come from the Favellas. So people drop all attitude, wealth and class on the beach. They enjoy time with friend and family beyond the usual social conditions for a few hours. I really liked that.

CARNIVAL!!!!

From Brazil

Favelas

From Brazil

Favela Wiring...

From Brazil

Our hang-gliding over Rio was cancelled today as it is raining for the first time in a week. Bummer. Still life goes on and maybe I´ll try hang-gliding else where. The more I travel the more I am accepting what happens for what it is. Nothing is bad, only perception make it bad and perception is limited at best.

Rio has been incredible. I do really like this city and will certainly come back some time. Perhaps out of Carnival time, the mad fun in the streets might have calmed down a little by then. I´m told that Rio is very different out of Carnival time. But to be part of the biggest party on earth was awesome. Something to be remembered (except the parts I will never remember) for life.

On to the next segment, couch surfing for a week around the South coast of Brazil.

Talking with your heart

2010-02-12T11:38:00.000-08:00

Now lets look at who we are. On a simplistic level you could split us into two parts, metaphysically speaking. The conscious and the unconscious. I would like to explore the latter first.
Unconsciousness. It could be described as all those things we do in life on auto pilot. There is the physical unconscious, our heart continuing to beat, our lungs taking oxygen from the air and transferring it to other parts of the body to give it life. Then there is the psychological unconscious. This is the part of us that one could call also call ego. (I am not referring to the ego in the classical psychologist sense here (where you split it apart into the ID, the ego and the super ego).)
Within this ego is contained all of our conditioning from the day we are born, perhaps even before. It contains ´programs´ that have been written at some point in the past to ´survive´a situation. For example your parents beat you as a child and you in turn beat your child. Most people will know that beating a child is wrong (so long as they are not a psychopath or have some such mental illness) yet some still do it. Why? They are not conscious of what they are doing. They are running a program that they learnt that helps to make up their identity. This identity my be along the realms of ´I got beaten as a child as so that gives me the excuse to feel angry and depressed about how I wasn´t loved and when I can´t take it anymore I sometimes beat my own child. i don´t mean to.´ Well whatever the excuse, this person is quite obviously not acting from a conscious place. They are unconscious. On autopilot.
Another example is when you are in an argument with someone. When right and wrong come into the equation. When we try to defend a moral position we often become unconscious. We become so obsessed with being right, we lose sight of the bigger picture and are often don´t truly listen to the other person because of it. The very notion of right and wrong comes from our moral compass that is conditioned into us as we grow up. After all, if you grow up in a cannibalistic headhunter society, hunting heads and eating other humans is not wrong. It is sense. Right and wrong are very fluid depending upon your stance. You stance depends upon your conditioning. To bring conditioning into the forefront of your life can only be unconscious, because if you were conscious of it you would have the option to not carry out the conditioned pattern thus the unconscious nature of it would slip away, as would the programming.

Now, we are all energy. Everything in the universe is some form of energy. Scientists will tell you about the molecules and atoms that make us up having such gaps between them that essentially we are nothing more that moving space. But there is energy. We all know energy cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be transferred. Okay great. That's in this plane of existence that we know about, but lets go with that. let us assume that consciousness, or soul, or spirit has some quantifiable form within our ream of existence. As always the words don´t matter so I shall call it inner energy.

This place inner energy, of consciousness, is where we see the bigger picture. It is the ´watcher´that can see our ego and conditioning for what it is. Not right or wrong. Just there. By realising it we can relinquish ourselves from the moral and conditioned chains we place upon ourselves simply by giving us a choice. Speaking with my heart is about speaking from that place that is beyond the ego, beyond thought, beyond conditioning. It is speaking from that inner place of energy that does not judge, it just simply is. It is speaking consciously and directly, without fear, without judgement, simply seeing things for what they are. It is speaking from love. Love for everyone´s inner being past their unconscious nature. Not from and place of ´holier than thou´ but simply from a place of love and responsibility for yourself and everyone around you. It is felt in the form of emotions and perhaps as our heart is often considered the emotional hub of the body that we say speaking from the heart, but we could just as easily call it speaking from our inner self or speaking from a true place of peace and not judgement.

Speaking to the heart (again - perhaps you could call it soul or energy - the words don´t really matter) and being in touch with ones body is the same. It is learning to respect and take responsibility for your body and being for what it is. The body is such an incredible piece of machinery that science even today isn´t even close to replicating (not including cloning - nature still does the work here).
The heart - the being is that inner place; beyond the conditioning, beyond thought and beyond ego. It is your true self. It is your true essence. It is your true life. Taking with it is simply opening a portal to this place and learning how to open it whenever you wish. From this place comes true unconditional love and joy and through this, peace.

These ´portals´ can take the form of meditation, yoga, praying and a whole host of other wonderful techniques, methods and rituals that bring you to the present moment and ground you in your body. For me Ayahusca was a strong portal. The portal itself isn´t really important other than a signpost. The Buddhist saying immortalised by Bruce Lee ´look at a finger pointing at the moon, don´t concentrate on the finger or you miss the moon in all of its heavenly glory´rings true here. To become obsessed with the door, with the portal, misses the point of where that door leads. The door is very very important in order to lead you there, but it is insubstantial compared to what is behind it. I guess this has been my gripe with religions and more recently the landmark. Peoples egos have such a tendency to get obsessed with the door (tradition, indoctrination etc) that they lose sight of where it leads. But I digress and could right as much again about this subject and it is not necessary. They are not right or wrong, neither am I. The question is simply, what you are doing in life? does it bring you true peace? does it bring you true happiness? not based upon conditions or requirements.

So I ask you, can you honestly speak with your heart? Do you have your own portal by which to practice strengthening that link between your mind, body and soul? Can you bring the light of awareness to your life when unconscious nature invariably takes over from time to time? This is the journey that I and millions of others are on and you know what? It has offered me peace and love within myself for the first time ever.

I am not subscribing to a religion. I am not telling you you have to do anything, I offer these reflections as coming from my heart with no intention what so ever. I actually find it really helpful to talk about this stuff and have found writing this very helpful also. If you feel nothing about what I said, well then that's fine, it´s certainly not right or wrong. It just is. If something here did resonate with you I can certainly recommend some books if you´d like to know more (haha and for the skeptical out there, all are spiritual but non-religious based authors and books). Anyone want to talk about this stuff. I love it.

Be good to yourself. (:

Peru, I love you.

2010-02-08T13:18:00.001-08:00

So, the Peruvian trek is coming to an end. Tonight I fly to Brazil. The time here was short but it was fantastic. I´ve had amazing adventures visiting all manner of wonderful places.

The Ayahuasca (see the entry below) really helped to show me how I can help myself and I decided that this should apply to the travels straight away. I had 6 days to see as much of Peru as possible and had been recommended so many places. I had to get my skates on. The night I got back from the retreat I was tired but happy. I wandered around Cuzco in a daze, finding a hostel and getting dinner. At around 9pm it struck me that I hadn´t sorted out the next day. I wanted to get a bus to Puno, a town around 200km to the south of Cuzco. It was Sunday night. It was raining. Everything was closing. I looked around and all the travel agents were closed... except one. The guy was just closing as I turned up but was more than happy to sort a bus for me. He would even pick me up from my hostel the next morning. Its funny I can never work out if people are just being friendly or making a fair buck out of me. Well, it matters not. The bus was still cheap enough, even on elastic Peruvian prices.

From Peru Trek

Cuzco plaza, Wet...

From Peru Trek

The River in the Sacred Valley. Rather high.

From Peru Trek

The bus was one of these tourist numbers that stops many places en route. We saw ruins and churches, alpacas and markets. The journey was punctuated by our tour operator putting in a 'yes' and 'mmm' after every sentence. After the hundredth time you really can't help but enjoy it. He reminded me of Manuel from Faulty Towers, perhaps a little more organised. We spoke about spirituality at one point and I mentioned I wanted to visit Lake Titicaca the next day. The Island he recommended Isla Amantani was apparently beautiful and very spiritual, so I decided that I would visit it. Hours later and off of the tour bus I got in a taxi and was i immediately offered a boat ride to the very same island. Fantastic, I love it when a plan comes together. I booked on.

From Peru Trek

A sheep

From Peru Trek

A flower... (:

From Peru Trek

An Alpaca (different to a Llama)

The following morning I was picked up and taken to the boat. Lake Titicaca is the largest lake in South America, it is also one of the highest lakes in the world at around 3500m above sea level. It is 60 percent Peruvian and 40 percent Bolivian (as the Peruvians loved to remind us every opportunity they had).
We were on the lake by 8am and off the Islas Flotantes en route to our destination. The Floating Islands are a unique collection of... well... floating islands. Although shockingly commercial, they offer an incredible insight to what can be done with ingenuity. The foundation of the islands is mud blocks. Cut into segments and held together by rope made from reeds. Growing in the mud is the same reeds that binds it with their roots. The upper layer is cut reeds layered in crisscross patterns, replaced every week as they rot. On this is the huts, made from the same reeds and wood. When they replace the floor of reeds they literally lift the houses and move them. Then lash them down again with rope made form these reeds. A lot of reeds. Ingenious.

We moved on to our designated island and met the family that we would be staying with that night. They only spoke Quelcha. The ancient language of the Incas. Even my poor Spanish would not help me here. Hand gestures were the call of the day. However I soon realised that I had been lied to and their Spanish was as good as mine, if not better. I could be understood with my masterful grasp of hello, please, thank you, yes and no. My Spanish is impeccable with these mighty words.
Our house was really cute. Surrounded by small plots of corn and herbs, built on a terrace around 100m above the lake. Sheep, chickens and a donkey helped to add to this organic good life paradise. The view was spectacular and peaceful.

Once a year the 4000 inhabitants of this island celebrate the Virgen De Catelina holiday. We just happened to be there on this one day. Walking to the main Plaza we were greeted with a cacophony of noise, dancing, sweat, booze and fun. On each side of the square was a band. Many brass, woodwind and percussion instruments made up each group of around 30 people. Each had great rhythms, melodies and textures. The only thing was was that all four bands were only 50m to 100m from each other so the plethora of noise was... well a bit of a mess. But it didn´t matter. Not one bit. Everyone was having such a good time. Crates of beer stacked higher than me adorned available spaces around the square, and where the beer was not, drunk Peruvians were. This was at around 2pm.
We walked up the hill in the middle of the island, returning at around 5pm. By now the fiesta had reached critical mass. Or so it appeared. The clock tower had musicians on its outside ledge, playing their instruments wildy and drunkenly, only one step from falling 30ft. The dancers were falling over. Groups of men stood around chatting, using their god given right to piss where ever and when ever they please. They would simply get out the old chap right there whilst talking to their group of peers in the plaza and go. They did have the decency to cup around a little. Small children ran between the legs of their drunken elders playing all sorts of fun, unimaginable games. It was very special to be part of this amazing fiesta. I was and still am very thankful to have been part of it. Even as a Gringo.

From Peru Trek

Lake Titicaca

From Peru Trek

The Floating Islands

From Peru Trek

Our house for the night.

From Peru Trek

Those mad Peruvians!

The return journey the following day I made a friend in Andreas, the Uraguayan I mentioned in my previous post. He was so inspiring and open hearted and we chatted for hours on the roof of the boat in the sunshine. I hope to know him and people with his capacity for love for a long time.

Arriving back in Puno I arrived at the bus stop with 2 minutes to spare for my 6 hour bus North to Arequipa. The second largest city in Peru, Arequipa is known as the white city as many of the buildings are made from white volcanic rock. It is stunning and by quite some distance the most beautiful city Ive seen in Peru. I did the touristy bus ride for 4 hours and saw much of the city. Then I went to the Convent de Catelina. This convent was built in the 16th Century by a Spanish Aristocrat for wealthy Spanish girls to become nuns here. It covers a whole block and is kind of like a citadel within a city. For 300 years the wealthy Spanish nuns kept their debauturous ways whilst here, until around 200 years ago it was stopped by a strict mother superior who saw to it that it became a silent convent. In 1979 it opened its doors to the public. I´m thankful they have. It is simply beautiful. The terracotta walls of the streets add a warmth to the many simple cells scattered around. Each cell has its own private clay kitchen with oven. many stairs lead hear there and everywhere and remind me of Escher's famous ´Impossible Stairs´. A huge dining room turned art gallery complemented the thousands of wall sketches and paintings lining almost every available indoor upper wall. Vines, flowers and gnarly ancient trees added dynamic and life whilst pottery and delicately placed utensils and working materials added history and extra culture. I was walking meditatively around, but it took me a good hour and I still hadn't seen everything. One day I wish to build my own eco house. This place really inspired me as to how I would like to to look and feel.

From Peru Trek

This is the beautiful Citadel, Convent De Catalina

From Peru Trek

From Desktop

The Colca canyon is the second deepest in the world at getting on for 4000m. Only rivaled by Cotahuasi canyon 4 days hike away that is a massive 163m deeper. I didn´t have time for the hike so this was the fruit of today. We left at 2:50am. Wow. The drive was 4 hours. The sunrise was spectacular. The canyon was better. Amongst the many wildlife living in the canyon is the Condor. Many people wait for a long time to see one there. We were blessed to see 3 together within 10 minutes. They are a magnificent bird. Soaring and swooping with no apparent effort as they glide and ride the wind masterfully.

From Desktop

On the return we stopped at a thermal springs to have a dip. There were 5 pools there. At 38 degrees they were lovely to sit and meditate in. However we had 45 minutes (damn these organised tours) so i wanted to try every pool. The first pool was empty. Nice, nice. the second pool had only Peruvians in. As I approached I could see their heads turning to look at me. Their conversation began to stop. I got in the pool and most of the 20 to 30 Peruvians were looking at me. I half expected someone to say "This is a local pool for local people". I lasted about 2 minutes before moving on. Strange how I thought that perhaps it was because I was the only one with hair on my chest...

I left Arequipa tired but satisfied on my 15 hours VIP first ever first class ticketed bus journey to Lima (the first class upgrade was a wholesome 5 pounds). This was when my body decided to get travellers bug. Literally, oh shit. On this bus you are only allowed to urinate. To go number 2 you have request a stop. I had to request within 1 hour. The pressure of 50 people and a bus waiting for you, coupled with the mangy, dirty toilet and the 9 inches of toilet roll you have been given really adds pressure to a man´s time alone with his bowels. I somehow managed another 8 hours before requesting a stop, a feverish, colon tightening half sleeping time where I was afraid to move suddenly. The next stop all my pride had gone. I was going to take my time. 10 minutes later they asked if I would hurry as the bus was now late. I arrived without a further hitch.

I spent the last couple of days in Lima with Vivi, a lovely Lady from Argentina I met in Cuzco. We have seen the sights and I have had my wonderful BRATTY diet. (Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, Toast, Tea, yogurt.) I have drunk enough green tea to sink the titanic, but the re hydrating properties have worked.
This morning Vivi left for Argentina and I had 12 hours until my flight to Brazil. I was walking down the street when a short slightly elderly looking Peruvian guy walks up to me. ¨Hello, you from England?¨ He says immediately. Mmmm my trying to blend in obviously isn´t working. ¨Yes¨I reply. In the ensuing conversation, mostly him talking, he leads me to his art gallery telling me about the vegetarian restaurant nearby. He joins me for lunch, telling me he will have a beer. Oh really? Okay, well he was good company, I think. he talked so fast and changed subject so quickly that it was hard to keep track of. His eyes should have given it away. He got onto the subject of drugs. He told me how he had been to his friends party the night before and had been up all night on cocaine. Ahhh.... light dawned. The nervous yet boisterous, overly confident attitude was clearly obvious now. I got it. He did make me laugh though. He is 68 but years of drugs have taken their toll. He told me how he and the waitress used to be a item. "I used to fuck her" in a Tony ¨Scarface¨ Montana accent is not a sentence one usually hears from a cocaine fulled 68 year old percussion playing painter. I liked this guy. I´m going to commission some paintings from him. He will send them to me. I wonder if I´ll get them... I wonder if they will get through customs...

So here my Peruvian jaunt ends for this time. I really have fallen for this country. She is wonderful, dramatic, diverse and welcoming. There is so much I am yet to see. I shall certainly return in years to come. But no hurry. No worry. I shall meet Pacha Mamma here again. In this life or the next. Of that I am sure.

From Peru Trek

Listening. Truely listening.

2010-02-04T15:27:00.000-08:00

Communication is certainly interesting. Many of us know abut the way we communicate through body language, voice tonality and words, but how many of us actually consider it on a conscious level from day to day? What makes a great conversation?

I met a really cool guy from Uruguay the other day on a boat on Lake Titicaca in the South of Peru. Andreas is a young pharmacist chemist. He volunteers as a clown to offer a ray of sunshine into various children's lives on hospital wards. We talked for hours about many things. He was so inspiring and really got me thinking about communication.

In one of his training sessions he did a certain exercise that visually describes the interaction between two people. First you stand in a circle and make eye contact with someone. Anyone will do. You keep eye contact and then make a gesture to hold hands, standing opposite each other. Then you begin to spin, faster and faster. Eventually you let go and sit down. I thought this a wonderful parody of how we can choose to interact with love and compassion. Its kind of like a dance. You must both choose to do it. You must both have respect for the other and hold each other up. After the interaction you are changed (in this case dizzy and probably smiling) in some way. The true communication did not involve words. The space shared was mutual and on a much higher level than words.

We are constantly reading social cues from others, every single moment of a conversation. Most of the time on an unconscious level. If we can become conscious of it though and are aware of how we feel inside; we can listen with our hearts and can then REALLY interact. Listening is key. Listening with your heart is not thinking. It is not listening to the running commentary in your head or what you can relate to anothers words to immediately start talking when they stop.

True listening is to stop thinking and to listen to the other person with every cell in your body. To be consciously aware and being. I suppose that is why I am writing this. I am more and more practicing this kind of listening and wanted to share this realisation with you. Next time we talk, I wish to practice really listening to what you have to say. Of course I won´t strive to make the conversation sterile by looking at you and saying ´go´. I mean in the general flow of conversation I wish to practice this.

Give it a go yourself if you like. Next time you are in a conversation with anyone consider how you are listening. Consider the thoughts in your head as the other is talking. Become conscious of the present moment you are sharing with that person. Give them space to talk. For me, when I remember to do this the results have been incredible. These conversations are so non-egoicly based, they encourage conscious awareness and a snow balling effect begins to happen. It´s absolutely wonderful. Think about it. Then stop thinking about it and feel it with your heart. Then respond. Try it. (:

Ayahuasca, Shamans and the Sacred Valley

2010-01-30T10:56:00.000-08:00

Before we begin...
I ask that if you choose to read this post that you to read what I have to say in the following paragraphs with an open mind. Please notice if you find yourself listening more to the running commentary in your head about rights and wrongs than really reading about my experiences to then to bring yourself back to an open mind. Also i ask that you not get too attached to the words I use throughout. I will try to explain them and their meaning to me if I find it relevant to do so. I offer these words with love and the hope that you may find some insights that you may apply to your own life. I would love to hear any thoughts or reflections you have after reading this.

From Arron

The Door of perception...

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On Wednesday this week I went Etnikas. The Cusco based company I had entrusted to introduce me to Ayahuasca. I got there at around 11am and went straight in to see the first of the three Shamans I would be spending some time with this day. This first Shaman, Angel, was a cool looking, slight, middle aged man. Clearly with self comfort and security. He had eyes that seemed to penetrate more than the body they looked upon. But he was very welcoming and very calm. We sat down to do a Coca Leaf reading and stones reading. I wanted to believe, I really did, but my head kept giving me thoughts about the power of suggestion and learnt observation of the body through NLP and observance of body language, voice tonality and word choice in ones subject when talking to them. But we went through the hour long ceremony and readings and however he was doing it, he seemed pretty accurate.
He told me things about myself and explained what Ayahuasca could do for me. What he told me isn´t important for you to get what I have to tell in this story of my experience. But what he saw in me and discussed with me he wrote down to pass to the Master Shaman who would be conducting our Ayahuasca ceremony later that night. To help them guide me to where I need to be.

From Arron

The Shaman´s Table for the first Ceremony

Ayahuasca(pronounced Ay-a-waz-ka)is a medicine that is derived from a vine that grows in the Amazon Jungle. It is only legal in a few places in the world of course including Peru. Used by Peruvians for thousands of years, since the Inca times. Chemically it contains the Psychoactive compound DMT or dimethyltryptamine. It is an incredibly powerful vision inducing plant that is only prepared by the Master Shamans who have many years experience preparing such potions. For example the outer layer of the vine is highly toxic and cannot be used. The parts that can be used are put into a ginormous cooking pot with loads of water and lots of other herbs and plants, all designed to work in harmony and unison together with each other and the human body. The ´brew´is then boiled for many hours until the Shamans are left with a liquid that has the consistency of milk and the taste of really bitter soya sauce. Well our one was anyway, I imagine that there are discrepancies depending on amounts of ingredients used and how it is prepared exactly.

From Arron

A Belgium Lady and I were the only two attending the retreat, her for three days me for five. In this time she would be taking part in two ceremonies, I in three.
We arrived at the retreat center in the Sacred Valley at around 2pm and were shown around the retreat center. It was beautiful. A large country house drawn away from the road down a long dirt track. An incredible view of mountains either side of the valley rose up from the river that snaked through the middle. The river, still swollen from the recent floods, offered a beautiful focal point in the middle of the valley. Just outside the house was a rustic patio surrounded by rounded rocks, herbs and shrubs. Two chairs and a table sat peacefully a few meters from the house. The grounds dropped away from the patio about three meters down and a path led down from the side to the lower garden where mats, rugs and cushions had been placed on the grass. To one side of the grass hummingbirds and dragonfly's played in the small thicket of corn. On the other side, a two seater wooden chair sat lazily shaded under a large apple tree. The garden dropped away below this revealing all manner of tropical and indigenous trees, shrubs and plants that led to the river below.

From Arron

The Retreat Center in The Sacred Valley

In the house the large kitchen had an inviting trestle table (although I was not to eat until the next morning due to fasting for the first ceremony). Through the kitchen into the hall revealed the wooden slat stairs. Up in the top landing to the left was a large communal bedroom with such comfortable and luxurious mattresses and bedding. I was a little disappointed to be sharing, but for a dorm room, it was five star. The ceiling in the bedroom consisted of large bamboo running from one end to the other. The bathroom, squat yet cute, roofed with see through corrugated thick perspex allowed the sun to shine through giving a feeling of warmth. Out of every window of this house the green lush mountains could be seen often topped with clouds offering a certain ambiance to the whole scene. The last room, accessed around the back of the staircase was the ceremony room.

From Arron

Our Pacha Mama Ceremony Shaman and a Giant.

From Arron

The Shaman and the view from the Retreat

At around 4pm we were required to attend the ceremony to Mother Earth, or Pacha Mama. Our second Shaman in traditional Peruvian dress led us to the lower garden and we sat facing him on the cushions as the ceremony was explained to us via our translator Freddy. The Shaman had a small bag of around 50-60 items. Each represented something in life, there were aspects from all plantations of life; Mother Earth, the mountains (that are viewed as Gods), love, union, money, houses, music, conversation and on and on. I cannot remember them all. Each was represented by something from the earth (or sometimes it seemed from the local corner shop). Seeds, sugar, beans, biscuits, sweets, flowers and much more came out of the bag. He was creating an offering to Pacha Mama to help us experience a good ceremony with Ayahuasca that evening. The ceremony took about an hour and involved many prayers, mediation and for me, watching in a kind of ´wanting to believe, but not quite sure what is going on´ kind of way. I did remain respectful though and did everything that was asked of me. Including praying. The Shaman made a package in paper with love and care over this hour with all of the ingredients and then wrapped them tightly together with string. He preyed over each of us in turn using the package to touch our head and shoulders.
We were then told not to look at the Shaman as he made his way to the river and gave the package to Mother Earth. It´s funny how my thoughts considered the bio-biodegradability of all the ingredients and this went on. Sure enough it was all biodegradable. I like that. (:

We went inside to rest for the evenings ceremony. At 7pm we went to the ceremony room. A simple room with two entrances, one from inside the house, the other from outside. Cushions and sleeping bags were placed all around the room. We chose a spot each and then got into a conversation about Ayahuasca. We were told everything we needed to know prior to the ceremony and all of our questions were answered. It made me feel a lot better as I really was still not sure what to expect. Our third and final Shaman, Enith, came into the room in traditional dress. I was actually quite pleased that she was a she. Something about the Mother Earth thing and women generally having more empathy than men. She took the bottle containing Ayahuasca (that is plastic as the Ayahuasca releases gasses apparently and can break glass bottles). She began to whisper whistle (is the only way I can describe it)into the bottle and we meditated. this went on for about 20 minutes. I thought about the book I heard about called ¨The Hidden Messages in Water¨ by Masaru Emoto. A brief summary from Amazon:
¨The Hidden Messages in Water is an eye-opening theory showing how water is deeply connected to people's individual and collective consciousness. Drawing from his own research, scientific researcher, healer, and popular lecturer Dr. Masaru Emoto describes the ability of water to absorb, hold, and even retransmit human feelings and emotions. Using high-speed photography, he found that crystals formed in frozen water reveal changes when specific, concentrated thoughts are directed toward it. Music, visual images, words written on paper, and photographs also have an impact on the crystal structure.¨
I was sure that this was she was doing, getting the Ayahuasca ready and positively charged, ready for our ceremony.

It was now time to start. We were asked why we wanted to take Ayahuasca as She (Ayahuasca) can only work with us if we are prepared to work on ourselves. So we do the work and She guides us. I got the reasoning, I liked it a lot actually. But this question stumped me. Why did I? Experience..? Fun..? No, that was not it. Luckly the Begium lady went first and gave her reasons. She also had a translator for French to Spanish so all conversations were taking twice as long as the information warranted, but this was good as it gave me more time to think. Finally attention was placed upon me and I still had no reason. So I just relaxed and said what came out of my mouth. ¨I want to open my heart and find out what love is.¨ I felt a little foolish, saying something so cheesy, but at the same time I felt that this was what I really wanted. It seemed to go down quite well in the group and the guy from Canada (the French translator) said that he really liked my reason. This gave my ego more confidence.

There were many people in the room. Of course there was the Belgium Lady and me. Also there was the Shaman and her sister, the French Translator and his girlfriend (who is interestingly the daughter of the first Shaman we had seen that day, she certainly had his intense eyes), then the English Translator and his colleague (who was on some work experience I think). So in the room of eight people, only two of us were taking part in the Ayahuasca ceremony. The rest were there to help us and guide us through our first ceremony, which is also called the cleansing ceremony. It was quite weird thinking that we effectively had 3 people each helping us, but also quite reassuring as they were all fairly experienced. The Cleansing Ceremony is always thus as the first ever Ayahuasca for anyone, it works to cleanse your body of all negativity, bad spirits and illness. It works differently for everyone depending on your conditioning and personal physical and psychological history.

From Arron

The Ayahuasca Shaman, Enith, Cleaning the room with Tobacco

The Shaman lit up her pipe and it was explained that tobacco has long been used to help Ayahuasca do Her job. Tobacco like all plants is believed to have its own spirit that manifests in her own way. This spirit helps to clean the room and our bodies (yes the irony of tobacco cleaning is clear to me, but we are talking spirits here, not Western science). After some time of filling the room with smoke she passed each of the two of us about half a pint of Ayahuasca in a cheap vending machine style plastic cup.

From Arron

I looked at this brown/grey liquid and really considered it. The reasons I was taking it. What I wanted from it. We were advised to meditate and pray prior to drinking it and whilst drinking it. The emphasis is always on self help. I meditated for a few minutes and then downed it in one. It tasted really horrible. As I mentioned earlier like a really bitter soya sauce.

We sat back and meditated again as we waited. Images soon began to fill the back of my eyelids. Simple, geometric shapes floating and interacting with one another. nothing special, but it indicated that it had begun.

Before I get into what happened next I would like to mention a few things about praying. Those of you that know me know that i am not religious. I do not subscribe to any doctrine although i do tend toward the teaching of Buddhism. The words Praying and God always filled me with a kind of revulsion and instant dislike. Recently I have really considered semantics and the meaning behind words. What is Praying and what is God? My conditioning pushed me toward rejection of these words however looking past this, what do they mean to me?
I do believe that we are all connected with an energy field. We are all made up of stardust, everything in the universe is made of the same matter (at least in this universe). That matter is bound somehow through a consciousness. Everything has this, rocks, trees, stars, us. It is what holds the molecules, cells or whatever else together. It is what I would call our being or our essence (well Eckhart Tolle calls it that and I use the words as they work for me). Now when it comes to the words praying, I simply substitute something like ´aligning energies from ones body to co-incide with the universe. Positively charging cells to resonate and to interact with the energy all around us.´ Cosmic Ordering is another way of putting it (google this is you´re not sure what this is). With the term God, it is the energy that we are aligning, the energy that we are all part of, that the earth and everything in it is part of, that that the universe is part of. Consider for a moment your own beliefs and how you might word the meanings of these words to yourself. What I say is neither right nor wrong. It simply works for me.

The next part of the trip is a bit blurry. I remember needing the toilet, one of the guys helped me to the bathroom. His face was animated like a cartoon. When i got to the bathroom and closed the door, I was alone. The candlelight proved to create a weird context in this red brick tiled large bathroom that was breathing and going rather peculiar. I knew what I had to do, I just didn´t know how to. I figured it out in the end and sorted myself out. I was helped back from the bathroom and joined the main group. I lay down and pulled my sleeping bag over me and put on my rather fetching Peruvian hat I had bought a couple of days before. It says ´Peru´ on it.

The temperature changes that hit my body went from one extreme to the other. I was then sick. It is actually very normal to vomit whilst on Ayahuasca, it is considered part of the cleansing. They have a bucket ready for each of us for this exact purpose. The light was then turned off as it is more conducive to visions.

The Shaman started singing, although it was some time before I became aware of it. A repetitive melody of around 20-30 notes sung in a dialect unique to her village in the Amazon. The melody contained slight variations in note pitch and timing. In the Soprano almost falsetto range range with vibrato indicative of the Inca style of singing. It was some time before I was aware of anything. It was as if the world had gone quiet and black. Then it felt warm and feelings started to rush into my body. I felt as if in a womb. Please don´t ask me how I knew this, I just did. Perhaps we all inherently know the feeling from the 9 months we spent in one. The singing continued over and over, it provided some kind of context, security and stability to the place I did not know, but did. I guess it was kind of like an umbilical cord.
I felt warm and loved. As if the whole world was hugging me. the whole of Mother nature was caring for me. I remember feeling more comfortable and safe than I ever have.
Kaleidoscopic colours and lights of incredible and unknown proportions were filling not just my vision, but my body and everything I knew. Time ceased to exist. I then met what was later described by the Shaman as my Spiritual Mother. She came to tell me everything was okay and that I was loved. I had so many questions, She responded where She could. I will try to relate some of these, but I will certainly be paraphrasing.
¨Why Ayahuasca, why a vine?¨
¨Why not? it is only a medium and is not important¨

¨Why are we alive? What is the point when it is so great here in this place?¨
¨So many questions...¨ She smiled ¨Perhaps the point is to learn and be happy¨

¨What is this place?¨
To this my vision grew stronger and it was as if I were in a garden and a nursery rolled into one. The Shamans umbilical singing was coming from the sky and there was just joy, bliss and awareness. My Spiritual Mother showed me that this was just one dimension. I asked why it was like this here; joy, bliss, love? She responded that if we exist then we have the choice of how we exist. So why not choose joy, bliss, love. And I got it. It was simple. Well I got it for a while. Whilst I was lying there in my sleeping bag that I was blissfully unaware of I remember saying ¨I get Cha, I get Cha¨ and ¨yep¨and ¨awesome¨ and really really getting it. The point to life. It felt wonderful and simple. I totally got that I have a choice. I got that this was it. This was everything I had been looking for. Love. Complete. Unrestricted. Coming from within me. Everything was perfect. What I didn´t really get at that moment was that this was induced through the Ayahuasca and that I would have to work at getting it when not on the Ayahuasca, but at least it had shown me the goal. It gave me the direction.

From Arron

My Buddha joined me for the Ceromonies, thanks Adam. (:

Then, as with everything in life the next stage in the trip began. Somehow I realised that I couldn´t stay like this, I was going to have to be ´born´. I really did not want this. I wanted to stay. I want I want I want. I was being like a baby, being like the ego, not accepting it for what it was.

Someone tapped me on the shoulder in the physical world. ¨Arron¨, they probably had to repeat it a couple of times ¨Arron¨. It sounded like they were in a metal room, the reverberations sounding jagged and small. I asked if the voice was my guide, she said ¨Focus, concentrate please¨.
¨Please sit up¨.
I didn´t want to. I was in baby mode and didn´t really know how to use my body. More to the point I hadn´t figured out how to tell my body to work, I couldn´t really be bothered.
¨Please sit up Arron¨ I suddenly sat up.
¨Drink some water please¨. A bottle was passed to me with the lid off and I drank.

These guys really took care of us, and continued to all night.

I lay down again and then there are fragments. I was sick again, I felt as if I has released liquid from every orifice, later I discovered that I hadn´t and was rather pleased about that. I began talking, not to anyone in particular. It was as if the internal dialogue that we all have, that I have was reversed and had to be externalised. The conversation with myself began with teaching myself to get up.

Someone in the room said to focus. I knew it was to me as English was only spoken when directed at me. I put out a hand and asked for someone to take it, for someone to help me. No one took it.
¨Help yourself¨ came the answer from Sandra, the Peruvian daughter of the first Shaman Angel. I remembered words spoken earlier about the emphasis being on me doing the work, upon learning. ¨How?¨ I called out. I was totally flummoxed.
¨Look into your heart¨ she replied. I sat up eventually, I have no recollection of how long it took. I still could not stand though. The words I was speaking were flowing incessantly. So much swearing, random flying thoughts in and out. My head felt empty though. It was as if my mind was the world outside observing and my mind was reversed and could only externalise to the outside world. I thought about this later and it was as if my ego were literally turned inside out. The swearing was a frustration at all of my thoughts being externalised, good, bad and downright ugly. It was certainly strange to really observe my ego in such a way. At the time, it was not only strange, it was horrible. Imagine if you had to verbalise all of your thoughts, even the ones that you catch that are really negative toward someone or something. The experience showed me the insanity of the ego that we become so good at covering up.

I remember the Belgium Lady crying so hard and for so long, the light came on and she was hugging the Shaman, like a child. Later she looked so happy and joyful. I admit I felt envy, but also happiness for her. The light coming on helped me to chill the trip for a bit. The light went out again after some time. Then everything shifted again. My visions changed.

I was observing myself, I was blue (like the Hare Krishna blue) and was sitting cross legged, meditating in the lotus position. I was in a glass pod that was all encasing but had many sides. I became aware of a serpent flying around and around the pod. Somehow I simply knew that the serpent was all of my negative energy. Anger, resentment, guilt and all manner of negative stuff. It also represented every negative decision, action and consequence in my life.

I discovered that I could watch this serpent/demon and it could do nothing. However as soon as my attention was elsewhere, outside the Now, it could and often would strike in the form of sadness, depression, addiction, anger etc. I wanted to face it and banish it. I didn´t want to look over my should for the rest of my life. However it was incredibly sneaky and very very good at hiding. I began to grow frustrated and lose control. Anger surged through me and I began to swear more. Then the growling started. From deep within me, deep guttural growls rose, sharp heavy breathing too, I could only control it when I concentrated properly. But it kept coming. I became the serpent for a time.

I really felt the absolute insanity of being out of control and in the grip of the ego. I was not externally aggressive toward anyone and showed respect most of the time when asked questions. However I could not accept that this was my ego that was being shown to me and I fought hard against it.

Some time later the insanity had dissipated and been replaced with contemplatativeness and depression. I had not faced my demon, my serpent. I went to bed some time after that, my brain was still so active that i slept little.

Day 2

The next morning we got up early and had our second offering to Mother Earth, Pacha Mama. This was to be the Yin to last nights Yang. Again we meditated and prayed. Again the Shaman who conducted the first offering ceremony made a package similar to the last but with opposite ingredients. At the end of making the package he again preyed to Pacha Mama to help guide our ceremony for this coming evening and to thank her for helping us the previous night. I concentrated on aligning my energies toward receiving Mother Earths Love in the coming ceremony. I was still not convinced what this was doing, but I persevered in aligning my energies with what I knew I needed. The package was then burnt on a fire. This fire was on rocks placed over a stream and I became aware that we had the four ancient elements contains in the offering. Fire, Earth, Water and Air. Even if that meant nothing, it couldn´t hurt to recognise it.
After that we went inside to have breakfast. A welcome treat after fasting the whole day before. Breakfast came and went and it was soon time to talk to the Shaman to interpret the visions of the day before.

From Arron

The Shaman Interpreting the Visions of the Belguim lady in the Garden.

We sat in the same room as the night before, so different in the warm light of day. I recalled most of the things I have mentioned here, including many of the things I have not. It truly felt as if I had been reborn, although I did not feel particularly good about this, even then. As I talked, I recalled the kaleidoscopic but dark nursery/garden, the voice of the Shaman being like the midwife and umbilical cord. How I knew nothing. How like a baby I felt. I recalled the glass pod and serpent and this was the important interpretation for me. I was told that the serpent often arises in ceremonies for many people. It is not negativity but is Ayahuasca. She (Ayahuasca) is taking all negativity and eating it. I had tried to fight Her so She could not do Her job. After all, the emphasis is on me choosing to change, not Ayahuasca choosing. She will do its job, but only if I let go and let Her.

The glass pod, the Shaman said, was my heart. I am a good person and am in there, but my heart was closed still. This was important advice for me for the next ceremony this coming evening. Spending the day day relaxing and meditating I felt much better and in a more controlled place to let Ayahuasca guide me. I felt that I would certainly learn to control myself in the coming ceremony sand at the same time relinquish all control over what is. The visions, the Ayahuasca, the lessons and anything else. I knew now that Ayahuasca would teach me, but only if I allowed her too.

The second ceremony started much the same as the first. Aligning the molecules in the Ayahuasca, considering and meditating on what we wanted to achieved from tonight's ceremony. I really reflected on getting in touch with my inner being. Getting touch with my heart.

When it came to drinking I was handed half the amount I had been given the previous evening and told that I had to learn to control myself. I was actually quite pleased about this. I knew I could control myself tonight as I had spent all day preparing for it and knew much more about what to expect. It tasted far worse that the previous evening, imagine downing soya sauce but far more acidic and forgetting to hold your nose. I sat, meditating for about 20 minutes on what I wanted from tonight. I became aware of movement in the dark, behind my eyelids and was then fairly harshly sick, again all part of the cleansing.

From Arron

Meditating, preparing to drink

My first vision was of my heart, a long way off. thousands of serpents were making for it. Remembering what I had learnt the night before I let them do their job. I watched as the made it black with their bodies (interestingly it was in 2D), I envisioned my heart leaving my body, floating to the Gods above, I left them to it. Somehow my heart left my body another two times and the whole area behind my sternum became cold, almost numb. I waited in a state of trace and meditation.

Suddenly realising that my heart was back in my body I began to feel it again. It dawned on me that I could hear it too. Ayahuasca had shown me how my mind was always trying to control, usurping anything the heart and body was telling it. my heart had always been open, I just never knew how to listen to it. So I listened. It showed me love. I knew that what I was seeking was within me. My heart and mind in union. Working together, understanding. My mind promised to learn not to control, my heart promised to speak louder and more clearly. When my heart spoke it was not through the mind, I just felt it and knew what it was saying. if it had of spoken through the mind I would have known that it was the ego identifying with a new form and idea and continuing in its normal insane state.

My Heart had bought me here. It had sent me on this quest to discover love. I discovered that all types of love - family, friends, lovers, humans in general, Mother Earth; Starts within me. unconditional love starts within me. loving myself. listening to myself. In unison. I spent a fair while getting to know me. it felt truly joyous.

I saw the serpent from the night before, but this time knowing it was Ayahuasca I let it come. I let it enter me and then i knew. The serpent eliminated negativity, it represented my strength, my courage, my honour, my powerful, gentle self. I felt so powerful yet so controlled. i felt my blood move throughout my entire body, I breathed deeply and felt the air give me life. My chin strutted forward, my chest puffed out. I was still lying with my head propped, grounded in my body, but i knew I could do anything I set my mind to.
I became a hybrid of a man and an eagle. Standing at the edge of a cliff knowing I could fly. A strange sensation when i was was fully aware of my body and the room i was lying in. A duality of power and calm. I could see my feathers and beak in my third eye. Ayahuasca then told me that I could be this eagle anytime I wish to. I am the eagle, the serpent. The serpent and the eagle is me.
I understood to not fight who i am. To love myself and know myself. Truly be myself and to recognise the facets that this involves. The union of mind and body again. Then i can be anyone and anything I wish to be. I wish to be me. To use the talents and gifts bestowed upon me from birth. How that manifests for the rest of my life is going to be exciting to explore.

The Shaman told me that this is good. That I am learning to control myself and to respect my body. I am growing and maturing. The Ayahuasca is guiding me.

Various lovers from my life came into my visions. I realised how I always looked for love in another. A conditional and fragile love based upon what the other person can provide. Ayahuasca showed me that by loving myself, all other love can take care of itself. If I love myself I don´t need the love of another to help make me feel complete. I can choose to love them. A very different game. But an easy one when you love yourself. Love just radiates naturally. This is true for family love, friendship love, partner love and general love of life and nature. Suddenly loving others is not work or ever tiresome. It is joyful.

I had many visions about specific lovers from my past and came to many realisations about them and about me. I shall not mention these any further however as they are personal to these women and I respect that. I will discuss it with them privately.

This evenings ceremony had been enlightening and revealing, but I knew that I had more to learn from Ayahuasca and although was tired looked forward to the third and final ceremony to really explore love and my inner being.

From Arron

Day 4 - The final session.
After two days off, this final ceremonial day was upon us, upon me. the Belgium Lady had left, but the French Canadian guy Robin was to join me in tonight's ceremony.
In the morning Freddy and I got up early and walked half way up one of the local mountains. I was so tired as my body is so out of shape, but Freddy was patient with me and the two hours walk was finished nicely with a fruit breakfast back at the center. The rest of the morning was spent meditating, relaxing and doing yoga. The evening came about before too long. Time really seemed to go fast in this magical place.
before the ceremony I was ready, but no one else seemed to be so I read some of the book by Eckhart Tolle ´The Power of Now´. The synchronicity of what Tolle talked about in the section I read was fantastic. one thing really helped me. He talked about reading and listening with every pore, every cell in you body. This is a great practice for all external communication and interactions. he also talked about space and how physically manifested forms cannot exist without space and vice-verca. The same applies of sound and silence. These became incredibly poinient later in the evening.

The ceremony began with the same rituals. The vibe in the was different now with a different make up of people. Robin sat to my left now. We went through our personal energy alignments, now becoming easier and easier to manifest and maintain. It was time to drink for the last time. My cup was 80% full tonight. i down it in one and sat back to meditate and reflect on tonight's reasons for the ceremony. Tonight I really wanted to further my awareness of the Now and to explore various facets of life including sexual energy and many (yeah a funny combination I know.) 20-25 minutes later I was sick. This time it was different. it was controlled and conscious. i learnt to appreciate and even be glad of it as it cleansed my body.

My first vision I remember a mass of black. So dark I could only make it out by the edges. I knew this was an infinite amount of serpents, they rushed into my heart as one. The whole area became warm, hot even. I trusted Ayahuasca now and knew that the serpents would help me. i let them do their job and went back to meditating.

Visions appeared. The first of a forest in the sky, floating. I could see it and I allowed myself to become the eagle again. I was really learning how to control my inner power. This time I was a hybrid of a man and eagle. Again I felt the air rush into my lungs, my chin strut out, my nostril flared and I could feel the power within me. Then came the knowledge that was necessary, I understood that I could access this power whenever I wished too, but with it to understand that I must use it wisely, to never lose touch with my body and its limitations. To respect that what is in the present, in the now is always more powerful and must be allowed to be experienced at all times to remain grounded and controlled. The Zen saying applies here I feel: ´walking quietly with a big stick´, perhaps reflect upon it if you don´t understand it yet.

I had many visions and realisations about my sexual being that I shall keep private, but i learnt about control and the need to choose a partner consciously rather than unconsciously in an animistic procreationistic way. I recognised peoples choice to be with each other, whatever their reasoning and to respect their decision. I cried at times during some realisations. As I wiped away the tears i became aware that these were from my body and were to be loved also. As was any other excretion from the body; spit, vomit etc. As strange as that may sound. The more you can love everything about your body and all its aspects, the more you can feel at peace.

I had so many visions about a great deal of things in my life. i was granted the gift of aware sight for this night. To be aware of unconsciousness in myself and others when it arises, to have compassion for it and bring consciousness to it with love and understanding. With appropriateness for any given situation. With humbleness in the knowledge that many people are my teachers and many are my students and to take responsibility for them and myself.

The eagle returned and showed me how to be majestic, how to hold myself, how to interact with others and be in the moment. I felt like an oak tree growing at speed. Solid. Majestic. Powerful. Graceful. Humble.

Later on I remember sitting in the Lotus position, the room, dark and quite. I recognised the space between objects. I recognised the silence between sounds. Time ceased to exist. there was only now. In all its peacefulness and stillness. Simply being was a joy. I felt my Buddha emerge.

I went to bed some while later and lay in bed all night, getting about 30 minutes sleep. i had so many visions and realisations all night.

From Arron

Are they Short or am I tall? Does it matter?

Conclusion of the retreat

This was by far the most profound and enlightening experience of my life. I am fully aware that I was on a psychoactive substance, one of the most powerful known to man. I am fully aware that what I experienced was in a setting conducive to calm and peaceful being. But what I have learnt is the choice of control. Control over everything i do. Everything I say. Everything I am. Control over listening to my heart and my head in unison and recognising unconsciousness in its many forms. When unconsciousness manifests in me i have learnt to see it with compassion and love and return to the natural state of being, even if this takes some time. As with anything practice will make it easier.

I understand that this will take constant practice and discipline. It is not anything i have suddenly got and will continue to have without work on my part. It is the teaching, the learning and the being. It is knowing where peace is to be found and knowing how to find it. It is knowing how powerful love is and how everything is bought into the light when shown it. Unconsciousness cannot co-exist with awareness, with consciousness. The words or Eckhart Tolle. It is knowing these words deep within me and practicing them for the rest of my life. It is about controlling myself, not the world around me. It is about accepting what is with love and not fighting it. It is about being humble, graceful and powerful. It is about life and consciously growing. It is about helping others, in whatever way you can. it is about serving yourself and others. After all if we have to exist, why not make it the best damn life we possibly can? Life is for living. Life is for loving and knowing the Buddha and God within you.

From Arron

The Trailess Inca

2010-01-25T17:27:00.000-08:00

The river is swollen. It has grown to such excessive proportions that it has devistated villages and bridges, it has swamped every route in and out of the Machu Picchu area. Many houses are knocked for six. People left homeless, cropless and in the worst cases lifeless.

Anything I might say about not being able to do the Inca Trail seems pretty small in comparason. I was looking forward to it. It was a highlight of my S. America tour. But so what right? When we got to the river earlier today we waited for some time for the guides to decide what to do. They decided to prepare lunch for us all whilst we waited. I decided that was a good idea. It took some time to make and then a coo was decided. The plan was to get out of the area and back to Cusco before we possibly got trapped in the area as the river had looked dangerously close to the road earlier. We all got up and left the small tent they had erected to serve as our canteen.

Then they called that lunch was ready. Now tyhose of you that know me well, know about my stomach and its needs.

I decided that I really did not mind about the coo, I was just going with the group. My stomach quickly took over and I sat down. A traitor. But a full traitor, full of food and satisfaction that my $400 had at least bought me lunch.

Three of us ate out of the ten in the group. Funny how different people respond differently to bad news. I find that food helps me a lot. Helps me think. Helps me relax. It could have been all the coca leaves I bought earlier in the day, but we quible with semantics.

The curious thing is, is that I am not too bothered. Sure I have probably lost my $400 and 2 days of precious travelling time. But so what? I could let this ruin the holiday. I will not do that. Instead I will see the possiblities that could arrise out of this. Who knows what adventures will come my way in the 4 extra days I have now.

I have shunted my Ayavasca Retreat to this Wednesday (http://www.etnikas.com). In preparation (and for 7 days after the retreat) I am not allowed any drink, drugs, smoking, sex and spicy food. Its funny, I did not want any of these things too much until I was advised against having them (in order to fully cleanse the body on the retreat.) Now I really want them. I shall abstain however as I intend to do this retreat the way it is meant to be done. Oh funnily enough coca leaves do not count as drugs. They are a medicine. It is their naughty daughter cocaine that is the drug. So I am told.

The North Island Chronicles.

2010-01-21T17:10:00.000-08:00

I have begun to view my travels in segments. The first was with my family. Experiencing a very organised holiday, experiencing better getting to know my parents, my sister Jenna and perhaps more importantly getting to know myself and how I am around them all. Families are funny things. The past holds so many situations and learnt behaviours between families that quite often we work on auto pilot when interacting with each other. Especially with families as there is so much history. Something happens and we might immediately go on the defence, or the attack or perhaps simply just cannot fathom why or what another family member is doing. Now when the family are all adults it is further exacerbated by Strong identities we have forged for ourselves that have partly evolved through past conflict (and past good stuff too of course) and of course have our own way of doing things.

And families know how to push each others buttons. We're experts. We've had years of learning. Well, our whole lives for most of us. But what was interesting this holiday/travels was that I more and more managed to step outside of my own personal programming. My own auto pilot response to situations was really interesting to observe. Something might be said that I didn't really like (which is of course a combination of the words, the tonation of the voice and the body language and actually nothing to do with who ever said it but everything to do with my interpretation and consequential reaction) and initially I would respond in a manner that was part of the 'sparring' involved in whatever role that was written years ago.But by stepping back and watching myself do this I realised how ridiculous I was being and could quite simply, not do it. The knock on effect is that I furthered my ability to see my family more for who they are. Not 'my sister', 'my mum', 'my dad' (notice the word 'my' before each term - indicating that I have expectations of how each role should be fulfilled), but human beings, doing what all human beings do. Trying to be happy. Trying to make those around them happy in the way that their identity sees should work, even if I don't see it for myself all the time and get frustrated initially. But in short stepping back really allowed me to notice the love emanating from each of them. Quite differently shown for each, but strongly there none the less. Stepping back allowed me to stop being the pre-programmed child I have been for many years fulfilling my role as the youngest brother, the only boy (and all the pre-programmed ideals and workings that I used to solidify my identify). Stepping back allowed me to see my family properly, without a filter and with love and compassion. Of course I didn't do this all the time and sometimes I was the one being button pusher, being on auto pilot, but those brief moments of clarity were enough to teach me further to get over my self. Family is great. We are always there for each other. We always will be.

So the second segment has been hitching around the North Island. This is what I would like to tell you about now. After the Queenstown washout, I awoke the day I was leaving to glorious sunshine. Went for a cuppa with the family at a great organic vege shop and got driven to the airport. After saying goodbye to everyone I embarked upon a 1 1/2 hour flight that took me up over the west coast of the South Island to Wellington at the bottom of the North Island. As it was a glorious day the Southern Alps could be seen in all their majestic splendour. Half way up the island is Mount Cook. The captain actually took time to fly fully around this, the largest mountain in New Zealand (3754m) so we could all see it properly. That was a lovely touch I thought.

Being The Butterfly

Obstacles vs harmony

The Messy Mind

Nothing

Irritability and the parachute

Finishing in Style... Uruguay and Argentina

Buenos Aires, Wow!

Brazilia in a nutshell (you know which type!)

Brazil, beaches and Carnival

Talking with your heart

Peru, I love you.

Listening. Truely listening.

Ayahuasca, Shamans and the Sacred Valley

The Trailess Inca

The North Island Chronicles.

True contentment as seen through the eyes of dissapointment

The Simplicity of Communication

Being the first, lets see where we are...